CAMPUS NEWS

Physical Plant Declares Entirety of Campus Prairie in Progress

SAINT PETER, MN —  Following a summer of hard labor and incredible vision, the Gustavus Adolphus Physical Plant has unveiled their plan to expand the Prairie in Progress surrounding Beck and Southwest Halls to the entirety of campus grounds. The current planned  prairie has been in progress for the last two years.

prarie

Projected campus appearance in 2030

“Honestly, I’m relieved. You have no idea how much goddamn sod is on this property.” said groundskeeper Randy Fairgreen. “I’ve worked here since ‘73. I rebuilt this campus’ landscaping with my bare hands after the Swirly-Whirly of ‘98, and I’m ready to just scatter some birdseed on the dirt and watch the magic happen.”

Estimates calculate that the Gustavus Prairie Project will be complete by 2030, and enrich the untilled soil enough that our pioneer ancestors would have deemed it blessed by a distant and unforgiving God. Students and faculty alike are looking forward to the eventual reclamation of the lands.

“Right now, I’m forced by social contract to wave at every single person I’ve ever made eye contact with before on this campus while walking to classes,” said junior Margot Chansky. “Now, I’ll have the option of just diving into those tall grasses instead of saying hi to Jen from O-Chem.”

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Categories: CAMPUS NEWS