SAINT PETER — Shortly before the second presidential debate, and just a couple days after a tape was released of him bragging about sexual assault, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump showed up on campus to aggressively grab Cooper the Campus Cat.

While Mr. Trump refused to comment on the situation, he seemed blissfully unaware of how the situation may look and any potential shitty outcomes his actions may produce for his campaign.

According to Trump’s campaign manager Kellyanne Conway this is pretty much par for the course. “I mean this is just what you can expect from a man so set on eliminating the scourge that is the nation’s obsession with being politically correct. He’s willing to do just about anything to prove how much he hates PC culture. Are a lot of the things he has done or would do illegal and disgusting? Oh, yeah. You bet!”

Obviously, Cooper the Campus Cat was not pleased with the whole situation. When asked for his thoughts on the matter, the feline commented, “Yeah, that guy is a real fucker.”