CAMPUS NEWS

Sad! Cooper the Campus Cat Has Endorsed Donald Trump

SAINT PETER, MN — On what has become one of the worst days in political history, Cooper the campus cat has officially endorsed Donald Trump. Cooper has typically supported Democratic nominees in the past and has a great empathy for human and non-human refugees, but Trump’s vague fiscally conservative platform has won the feline over.

“Mew Meow prrrr mew mew mew prrr,” said the friendly currently conservative cat when asked about why he was voting for Mr. Trump.

Cooper now joins the plethora of other minor celebrities who have chosen Trump as their candidate of choice – a list that includes Shaq and Chachi. He also joins Ken Bone as a star of the 2016 election who turned the public against them.

“I loved Ken Bone and I loved Cooper, but this election has ripped both of them away from me,” said staunch liberal sophomore Tiffany Harris. “All this election does is kill everything I love. Please let it be over.”

Furthermore, Mr. Trump came under fire from Cooper after the candidate reportedly grabbed him in early October. However, Cooper has since come around and is willing to look past Mr. Trump’s gross behavior due to his agreement with the candidate’s stance on one issue.

“Meow Meow Meow Meow Mew Prrr Mew Meow Meow it’s important the rich don’t get taxed because they earned it meow meow meow meow,” said the feline.

“This is truly a shocking and surprising day for us all. It is truly amazing that a cat so beloved by this liberal campus would betray us in such a way. Clearly, there is no God,” said chair of the College Democrats junior Bethany Johnson.

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Categories: CAMPUS NEWS