SAINT PETER — Hours before polls at the local Saint Peter High School closed, dedicated and self-proclaimed “Bernie Bro” sixth-year senior Sean Joseph was spotted tabling outside the doors of the caf.
“I never thought I would have to drop to this level- tabling at a liberal minded college for my lord, bro and savior Bernie Sanders. I mean, come on, we had this guy in the bag and we fucking blew it” Joseph said, holding back sloppy tears.
Joseph plans to place Bernie Sanders door hangers on the handles of every dorm on campus before the night is over. “It worked really well for the three of five Trump supporters on campus. I’ll say that their propaganda almost had me swayed” Joseph said.
“Believe me, if we can convince the entire state of New Hampshire to write in “Bernie Sanders,” we got it. My buddy made a comment about it on the Huffington Post article I shared yesterday. We can easily get this guy the spot he deserves.”
Joseph’s election night itinerary includes simultaneously live streaming various news outlets for results, while clutching his hot and steamy fan fiction novel, “Bernie Sander’s Throbbing Election.”
Categories: CAMPUS NEWS