SAINT PETER, MN — During what was supposed to be a normal saturday night, local cat Trooper patiently sat through what must have easily been a 45 minute cuddle session. Trooper, who has no concept of time, was not able to pinpoint exactly when or how long the cuddling took place, but he was enamored by his partner’s stale scent. Sources also report that the cuddling took place in the corner of a large, populated party.
“That was one really patient cat. I can’t believe he let Creepy Tate pet him for that long,” said sophomore David Jones. “I mean Creepy Tate does have a certain scent about him, but, holly hell, I don’t know how Trooper did it.
Junior Tate Kreigel was unable to respond to any questions about the event, but was able to shed some light on how much he enjoyed cats.
“Cats man. I love them. Fucking love them. Big, small, furry, fuzzy, soft, warm, cold, smart, dumb, spikey, drunk, humans, leopards, dogs… I love them all,” said Kreigel.
Trooper’s owner, senior Kayla Jennings, was unaware about the incident, but indicated she was not surprised to find out that Kreigel was involved in the event. She has long known Kreiger to be on a different social wavelength than most other college students.
“Yeah, Creepy Tate is a weird dude. I know he loves to hang out in the corner during parties,” said Jennings. “I did not know that he was really into cats, but I assume that may be the only close interaction he has had with a living thing in a long while, so we’ll let him have this one.”
Categories: CAMPUS NEWS