SAINT PETER, MN — In light of the mass controversy surrounding the validity of the articles titled ‘Gustavus Handbell Ensemble Refuses to Play Trump Inauguration’ and ‘Study Abroad Students Return to Isolationist Country with Outdated Worldly Views,’ editors of the Fourth Crown have been asked to make a public statement about the accusation of being fake news.
Managing Editor, Virginia Boomler, was the first of the organization to speak of the deception that the campus, alumni, and Trump administration felt upon publication. “Look, we didn’t think we were doing anything wrong. I mean- my god, we have been publishing satirical work for years. This one is on you guys, not us.”
Co-editor-in-Chief, Jon Evans, had a different take on the controversy as he said, “Great, we’re fake news. Fuck.”
Many individuals connected to the Gustavus have been clear to express their disgust with the once proud publication. The aunt of a distant Gustavus reached out to various news outlets to make her stance clear: “Shameful! I told everyone that was invited to my inauguration party that they would see my niece playing her bells. Now everyone in my prayer group thinks I lied. I feel oppressed.”
Many of those who felt personally victimized by the organization complained of the lack of filtering Facebook has when it comes to fake news. Many have called for the organization to take action. Yet, sophomore Rachel Meyer said “I get all of my news from Facebook. I just don’t trust anything else. I mean yeah, fake news may have helped Trump and stuff but give the guy a chance. Plus, it’s nice to see a news article about abortion in the United States sandwiched between my aunt’s status about her neighbor and an ad for cold sore removal.”
This isn’t the first time the Fourth Crown has misled readers. Junior, Matthew Johnson felt inspired as victims of the organization have come forward. “I can’t believe the Fourth Crown is a satirical body. After reading the article “Head of Dining Services, ‘Pickles for Everyone!’” I walked into the caf- expecting pickles. After yammering about for free produce, I was detained by campus safety. Now as punishment I have to dig holes behind College View.”
The Fourth Crown also acknowledges that this article exists in a paradoxical universe as the Fourth Crown is both the subject and writer of this article. Thank you for your cooperation.
Categories: CAMPUS NEWS