CAMPUS NEWS

Upcoming Senior Recital to be Complete Repertoire of R. Kelly’s Greatest Hits

SAINT PETER, MN —  As the end of the year slowly approaches, seniors from all across the music department have been performing instrumental or vocal pieces that they’ve been preparing for months. Upcoming senior recitalist Greg Newberry has just released his program for his recital this weekend, and it’s all R. Kelly classics.

“Well,” said Greg, “I feel like we need to perform more contemporary pieces these days. All that shit in Latin or Italian is boring. I’m ready to bring something new to the table, and I don’t think this has ever been done before.”

After a short conversation with both choral directors at Gustavus Adolphus College, they claimed they knew nothing about this recital and advised strongly against it.

Greg responded to that, saying, “You know what? Haters are my motivators. Dr. A and Dr. Dean don’t know anything about real music.”

Greg’s recital will feature hits like “Bump and Grind,” “Ignition (Remix),” “Feelin in Yo Booty,” and the full “Trapped in the Closet” rap opera, which features 33 chapters and 91 minutes of content. The performance will be close to two hours.

“I feel like I connect with R. Kelly on a personal level. I’m illiterate just like him and I’m constantly being sued. I also get laid constantly just like him. I feel like this performance will pay homage to the man that taught me so much.”

The show is this Saturday at 11:00 p.m. and it’s advised that nobody under the age of 17 attends the show.

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Categories: CAMPUS NEWS