SAINT PETER– After months of deliberation, Gustavus’s one and only improvisational comedy group has decided to become a social justice group on campus.

In an interview with two-year member McKenzie Reitter, she made an official statement: “You know, we really feel like there aren’t enough social justice groups on campus. I Am We Are is the only one. There are three a capella choirs on campus, so why shouldn’t there be more groups of people supporting social justice in these tough times? LineUs is no more. Let ShineUs take its place and bring light to the world’s injustices.”

In another interview with three-year member and president Remington Steele, he said, “Yeah, it kind of started out as a gag, but we realized that comedy is f@$#ing bullshit. Nobody should ever laugh again until there is justice and peace. Laughing will be ridiculed on this campus. F@#& joy and f@#& happiness. ShineUs will ensure that this never happens until there is world peace.”

After these interviews, The Fourth Crown was threatened to be shut down, but ShineUs members revoked their threats when they realized we are “not funny in any way” and “have never once brought joy to this campus.” ShineUs will begin their social justice acts in the fall of 2017.