SAINT PETER,MN- As Journalists of the Fourth Crown continue to cyberbully losers with different viewpoints, the team can’t help but think about the amount of pain and suffering they have caused the local community. Let’s just be clear that this isn’t some kind of bullshit apology.
The beginning of the end started with anger: anger that clearly needed to be dealt with in a series of expensive therapy sessions. Through the power of anonymous illiteracy and little willpower, we invite our readers to reflect on our simple, but endearing year.
- We tried to table once and got really close
- Cooper was our go-to character because we fear human relationships
- Some of us promoted plagiarizing our own work
- MJ never lerned howe to spelt
- Brian and Bailey talked in person twice all year
- Evan Jones hit a hard wall. Withdrawal symptoms***
- MJ pretended to be okay with being called Megan
- Louis had Three Crowns and Russian, possibly a nazi?
- Evan Jones won the 10k at conference? What the fuck was that about am I right?
- God gave up on us
- We like Georgia!
- Becky Bergman paid us $4 million to not make fun of her this year
- We relied on archived articles to make you people happy
- We forgot that Sean Cobb is our advisor
- We remembered that Sean Cobb is our advisor
- Bailey’s diary was found and it was just Shrek fanfiction
- Bailey sprained her ankle on the last day of school because she was writing Shrek fanfiction and God was disappointed
- Only a few people were mad at us
- We wrote a somewhat factual article once
- Adam and Bailey used Google docs to talk to each other instead of texting like real people
- Brian went into the witness protection program after Bailey tried to say hi once
- We got talk-to-type so our illiterate asses could finally compose something readable
- Adam really doesn’t get the hype around Blurryface. It’s an ambitious album that tries to do too much and fails to do any one thing well.
- We ran out of ideas so instead of satire we just talked about ourselves a lot.
Wow, what a year. The Fourth Crown really has outdone themselves. See you all in the fall,
FCXO, The Fourth Crown
Categories: CAMPUS NEWS