CAMPUS NEWS

Reflecting on Over a Year of the Fourth Crown’s Moral Degeneration

SAINT PETER,MN- As Journalists of the Fourth Crown continue to cyberbully losers with different viewpoints, the team can’t help but think about the amount of pain and suffering they have caused the local community. Let’s just be clear that this isn’t some kind of bullshit apology.

 

The beginning of the end started with anger: anger that clearly needed to be dealt with in a series of expensive therapy sessions. Through the power of anonymous illiteracy and little willpower, we invite our readers to reflect on our simple, but endearing year.

 

  1. We tried to table once and got really close
  2. Cooper was our go-to character because we fear human relationships
  3. Some of us promoted plagiarizing our own work
  4. MJ never lerned howe to spelt
  5. Brian and Bailey talked in person twice all year
  6. Evan Jones hit a hard wall. Withdrawal symptoms***
  7. MJ pretended to be okay with being called Megan
  8. Louis had Three Crowns and Russian, possibly a nazi?
  9. Evan Jones won the 10k at conference? What the fuck was that about am I right?
  10. God gave up on us
  11. We like Georgia!
  12. Becky Bergman paid us $4 million to not make fun of her this year
  13. We relied on archived articles to make you people happy
  14. We forgot that Sean Cobb is our advisor
  15. We remembered that Sean Cobb is our advisor
  16. Bailey’s diary was found and it was just Shrek fanfiction
  17. Ian.
  18. Bailey sprained her ankle on the last day of school because she was writing Shrek fanfiction and God was disappointed
  19. Only a few people were mad at us
  20. We wrote a somewhat factual article once
  21. Adam and Bailey used Google docs to talk to each other instead of texting like real people
  22. Brian went into the witness protection program after Bailey tried to say hi once
  23. We got talk-to-type so our illiterate asses could finally compose something readable
  24. Adam really doesn’t get the hype around Blurryface. It’s an ambitious album that tries to do too much and fails to do any one thing well.
  25. We ran out of ideas so instead of satire we just talked about ourselves a lot.

 

Wow, what a year. The Fourth Crown really has outdone themselves. See you all in the fall,

FCXO, The Fourth Crown

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Categories: CAMPUS NEWS