CAMPUS NEWS

JoNes Van Hecke was a Jonas Brother

SAINT PETER, MN — Hello, Gustavus students; we welcome you to campus with a sincere hello and a spicy dish on our very own Dean of Students, JoNes VanHecke. After spending an entire summer researching Ms. VanHecke, our investigative team discovered something truly unbelievable.

JoNes VanHecke was the fourth member of the Jonas Brothers.

In the early 2000’s, JoNes, between gigs after earning her Ph.D, was looking for some casual rocking out to do just to help pass the time as she searched for a highly coveted position as Dean or Assistant Dean of Students at a reputable institution. After months of tireless searching, JoNes discovered three young boys that seemed to be extremely talented vocally and she decided to take them under her wing. She showed those boys how to become stars. These boys were Nick, Joe, and Kevin Jonas.

After training the brothers how to perform like real musicians, the four of them founded their band, The JoNes Brothers. They did small performances throughout New Jersey and small regions of New England. They were discovered by a talent agent that decided to pick them up for their first album, and success bloomed from there. They made it big time when Disney signed the band and the limelight shone even brighter.

Why did JoNes leave the JoNes Brothers, you ask? Especially after all of the blood, sweat, and tears she put into her band? Well, around the time the Disney Channel Original Movie “Camp Rock” was being filmed, JoNes was not allowed into the film. Producers felt that JoNes would not be an appropriate member of the cast as an adult woman, and that the three pubescent brothers were much more attractive to tween viewers at the time. JoNes, hurt and upset, realized that she should probably get a job in the field she studied and end her involvement with the band. She found a job at Gustavus, where she works to this day and copyrighted her name so the JoNes Brothers were required to change their band name. This is the story about the birth, death, and resurrection of the JoNes Brothers (rest in peace) and how they became the Jonas Brothers. We hope you use this information wisely. We know you’ll never see JoNes the same again.

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Categories: CAMPUS NEWS