SAINT PETER, MN- AARP member and former Gustie, Earl Jenkins, returned to campus this past weekend to visit his granddaughter. Aside from sitting on “uncomfortable chairs with no back support” during a soccer game, Jenkins’ shuffled through campus with his granddaughter who wanted to show him “all the new stuff.”
The first stop was Norelius or “Co-ed.” Ashley, Jenkins’ granddaughter, walked through her section, making sure to explain that “boys visit.” As Jenkins was a graduate of the class of 1971, he was among the first to live in Co-ed as construction was completed in 1967.
“Men and women are different and that’s that. When I was a freshman, no one could leave their room after 10PM. That’s when the hooligans come out,” said Jenkins, who considers himself to be the most knowledgeable patriarch in the Jenkins family tree.
Ashley also took time to show her grandfather the newly-built Anderson Education building.
With motion sensitive lights, Mac computers, and the Writing Center, Jenkins could hardly contain his disgust. “It’s a shame that they have computers now,” said Jenkins “It’s just an open door for ISIS to steal our bank account information. And then what? I wouldn’t be surprised if students start keeping their baseball caps on during the anthem.”
Along with complaining about the lack of “places to sit” throughout campus, Jenkins took time to comment on the value of receiving a Gustavus education.
“Back in my day we just looked at a textbook and listened to a teacher. All these aluminums or millennials bitch and moan about free speech and discussions about diversity. I give a lot of goddamn money to this school and i’ll be damned if the kids start turning this place into a shithole.”
The impromptu tour ended around 2PM as Jenkins needed to take a smoke break and cough up some mucus.
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