SAINT PETER, MN- This past weekend, the Gusties played their Homecoming game against the Hamies of Hamline University. Junior Music Major, James Corfield, debuted his newly composed fusion jazz fight song, ‘Contemplative Gusties,’ after a touchdown.

“I’m really excited to introduce a new level of sophistication to the games”, said Corfield,“I just hope the crowd has a refined enough taste in music to appreciate it”.

At the end of the first quarter, ‘Contemplative Gusties’ began with a lengthy stand-up bass intro as the rest of the band kicked in with a mess of chords and screaming trumpets. After a five-minute-long improvised trombone solo, the sight of a full-sized grand piano being wheeled onto the field made it clear that this song was not going to be over soon. After a few more minutes of this, game officials finally decided to put the song to an end.

Reactions to the song were strong and mostly negative.

“What kind of notes were those?” spectator Jean Rindal asked, “and what time signature was it?” Rindal said, “she wanted to echo the thoughts of many fans struggling to clap along with the song.”

Other spectators were not as subtle in their criticisms. “What kind of pretentious douchebag wrote this song for a football game?” became a chant echoed through the stands of Gustie fans.

When asked his thoughts, Senior football player Jackson Morland said, “You know, I’ve never felt less eager to play football than right now.”

In response to the criticisms, Corfeld reported, “Honestly, I forgot to come up with a new fight song and I thought that the song I wrote for my jazz composition class would work. I guess next year I’ll just stick to doing arrangements of Daft Punk songs.”