CAMPUS NEWS

Gus the Lion Resigns After Being Outed as a Furry

St. Peter, MN – Gus the lion resigned as the Gustavus mascot this morning amid revelations about his double life as a furry. An email from the administration stated that Gus left of his own volition.

The scandal started when a video emerged on the Internet earlier this week of Gus engaging in sordid sex acts with several other individuals wearing animal costumes. The video’s graphic content shocked and appalled viewers, not the least of which because it appeared that their beloved mascot was a loathsome furry. That charge was all but confirmed when a DNA test found that the mascot uniform was coated in “a thick layer of various bodily fluids,” suggesting these escapades have been going on for years. As of the announcement today that he’s resigned as the school mascot, Gus has yet to publicly comment on the matter.

Horrible furry sex tape

A still frame from the videotape in question.

The controversy, deemed “Furrygate” by news commentators, has provoked a widespread outcry from the public. The furry subculture, which is characterized by its fascination with anthropomorphic animals, is feared and hated in most of the western world. Although furries are no longer burnt at the stake on campus like they were during president Jack Ohle’s tenure, they are still widely disliked by most students and staff on campus. A recent poll found that most students on campus do not sympathize with Gus’s plight.

Graff

“For fuck’s sake, he could have at least not worn the costume while he did that stuff,” said a Lund staff member who wished to remain anonymous. “It’s school property!”  

Elsewhere, however, there has been an outpouring of support. Speculation abounds that Gus was coerced into resigning by an intolerant administration.  A hashtag expressing support for Gus, “#IAmGus,” has become popular among Twitter-using furries in southern Minnesota. The Gustavus Furry Pound (GFP), a student-organized furry sex group, has announced it’s official support of Gus. “This is blatant fursecution ,” said junior Christopher Chamberlain, the GFP’s official press spokesman. “If Gus wants to participate in debauched furry orgies then that’s his choice. We stand with Gus!”

The student who played Gus the Lion wished to remain anonymous, and has so far refused our request for an interview. 

Advertisements

Categories: CAMPUS NEWS