SAINT PETER, MN- Gustavus’ award-winning publication, ‘The Fourth Crown’ received confirmation early this morning that they are now ‘the second best satirical newspaper on campus.’ After months of strategizing and consolidation, ‘Her Campus’ has narrowly surpassed Gustavus’ knock-off of the Onion. The ranking system is based off of how many writers are literate, the overall quality of content, and the average number of Facebook heart reactions given to their posts.

The leaderboard currently reads as follows:

1. Her Campus
2. The Fourth Crown
3. Jessica’s Diary
4. Your Badminton Syllabus
5. The Gustavian Weekly

This announcement comes after ‘The Fourth Crown’s’ decision to include anime related articles each week.“The student body changes each year. We thought that by switching our focus, we would reach a wider variety of readers,” said Co-editor Andrew Balto.  

Some writers believe that Her Campus is just plain better than ‘The Fourth Crown’ as they routinely publish articles that are both witty and topical. “How are we supposed to compete with headlines like ‘So You Have to Dress for your Neighbor’s Funeral: What Is It and How Do You Do It?” said Thomas Smith, a newly hired writer.

While fans of Her Campus celebrated this great accomplishment, some Fourth Crown writers expressed great disappointment. Fourth Crown Co-editor, Morgan Roberts, said “The Fourth Crown is my garden. I shit out satirical dirt so I can plant the seeds of comedy. Every damn day.”

It is unclear what ‘The Fourth Crown’ plans to do next. Allegedly, the publication plans to sit on students’ laps to get a sense of “what people see as big issues.”

Her Campus was unavailable for comment at the time of publication.