CAMPUS NEWS

Nobel Speaker: “How To Produce A Suitable Male Heir”

St. Peter, MN- The 53rd Nobel Conference hosted by Gustavus Adolphus College is finally underway. It has been clear since the topic, “Reproductive Technologies,” was chosen that this year would be more controversial than previous conferences. The very first speaker, Dr. Kenzie Blake, set the tone early with her lecture, “How to Produce a Suitable Male Heir.”

Blake is the director of the Noble Genetics Initiative. Her laboratory, which has branches at Kings College-London, Oxford, and the University of Edinburgh, conducts research on what genetic similarities were shared by the greatest leaders of European history.

“The first big challenge we encountered was determining which shared genes actually contributed to their effectiveness as a leader. As you know, European Royalty set the standard for literary works such as Game of Thrones, especially when it comes to incest, so there is a lot of genetic overlap that you need to sift through.”

Blake’s team has pioneered a new method that allows researchers to quickly sort between the genes that let King Arthur pull the sword from the stone and the genes that resulted from him plunging his sword into his sister’s stone.  The implications of this breakthrough cannot be overstated.

“For starters, I was able to write my book about how you can best produce a suitable male heir. No longer will you have to rely on strange rituals passed down by the local village witch. Right now my work mostly has to do with how to choose a suitable mate, but as our technology improves, you may one day be able to engineer a regal disposition into the DNA of your child while he is still in the womb!”

Dr. Blake’s book is being lauded by women everywhere who are struggling to bear a dignified child fit for stately service. There are some critics, however, who argue that the divine right to rule is something that can only be given by God. They claim that Blake was too busy asking whether she could artificially create a sovereign when she should have been asking whether she should. Let us hope that the rest of this year’s Nobel Conference continues to generate important discussions like this one.

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