St. Peter, MN-We’re getting to that point in the year where you’re finding out how terrible living with your current roommate really is. Maybe she was your best friend freshman year and you thought this would be a good idea. Maybe you did another random selection. Maybe he or she was your roommate last year and is changing in ways you didn’t expect. No matter the case, we have some tips to help you cope with living with an asshole.
- Stay up all night with the overhead light on. All of that artificial blue light is sure to make your roommate suffer as much as you do when they stay up til 3 a.m. watching Riverdale without headphones on.
- Pour cat urine on their bed when they’re asleep. Convincing them they’re Little Miss Pee Pants will give them the shame anxiety they deserve.
- Write fictional stories in your diary referring to how much you hate your roommate and leave your diary open and out on your desk. They’ll get the message.
- Slowly weed out their socks so that they can’t find any pairs. It’s weird, but it’ll be noticeable enough for them to get stressed out.
- Facetime your dog for hours at a time to get back at those pesky roommates to facetime their weird friends from home nonstop. Bonus points if you don’t wear headphones.
- Haze them.
- Move everything in the room just a little bit so they bump into everything and don’t understand why.
- Spray juice on all their stuff so everything is a weird amount of sticky. Just enough where they aren’t sure if they don’t wash their hands enough.
- Scratch only ONE of their contacts. Just to be an asshole.
- Keep getting sexiled? Host an orgy in your room to get back at them. “Oops, sorry, I didn’t know you’d be back this early. Can you not come back til like…..8?”
Hope these tips help you get rid of your roommate and drive them to the counseling center as soon as possible!
Categories: CAMPUS NEWS