SAINT PETER, MN- Students were stunned as the beloved resident felines, Cooper and Nemo, turned into human form in front of their eyes. It was quite the scene according to eyewitness Shelly Baker. “There was a heavenly glow that was cast down and covered the cats.” She said. “I just felt like all the wrong in the world, in that moment was erased from existence. I could see the future and the dawn of time all at once.” There is also some speculation that the end of the recent rain storms that lasted for weeks prior to the campus cats turning human is connected to this spectacle.
Regardless, the campus cats were turned into two fully grown human beings. After finding them clothing, journalists with the Fourth Crown were able to interview Cooper and Nemo.
“Yeah, I’m not sure what happened.” Nemo stated clearing his throat from residual any cat hair. “We were reading this book in the library. Yeah, it was kinda freaking looking. It had these chains wrapped around it and was in a glass box surrounded with salt. When we opened it this form made entirely of black fog came out of the pages and started speaking in some language that I didn’t sound like anything Gustavus teaches. The next I know, I’m a fucking cat. I don’t know, what more do you want from me? It’s not like this happens every other day. Also can you stop calling me Nemo, my name is Gary.”
We asked Nemo more about his time as a cat and discovered that they had been in that form for forty years. Cooper, or Noah (like it matters), was astounded by the news. “Forty years? I knew that sometime had passed, but every time I tried to ask someone they would just rub my head. How did nobody notice that we were missing, wasn’t there a search or something?” Far as the Fourth Crown could tell there was no search for these cursed students; as the discovery of two cats that roamed around campus was so exciting that the students and faculty overlooked their absence.
What students and faculty are missing right now is their fluffy friends that once roamed the campus. A search for the book containing the smoke demon is currently underway as to attempt to initiate the curse and get Gustavus’ fluffy friends back as soon as possible. Hopefully, we will be rid of these two men soon and back to the company of cute kittens.
Categories: CAMPUS NEWS