Fall Break Horoscopes

Aries (March 20-April 19): Aries, babe, listen. You’ve been really stressed out: midterms, work, the ten million lady bugs infecting campus. It’s a lot to handle. Sucks to be you I guess. Have fun over break, loser.

Taurus (April 20-May 20): This break will be the time the time of your life, Taurus. I’d keep an eye on the clock though, wouldn’t want that time running out. Who knows what could happen next.

Gemini (May 21-June 20): It’s your lucky month, Gem! Can I call you Gem? I just feel like we are at nickname level, but if we aren’t you can just tell me. I won’t take it personally, promise.

Cancer (June 21-July 22): Wow, this is embarrassing, sorry but I really have nothing planned out for you guys. Have a good break, I guess?

Leo (July 23-August 22): Dearest Leo, I love you. I know you’re dating Virgo, but please leave them. I need you Leo. You are my shining star, your face pulls me out of bed and through this cold, desolate life. Please Leo, I can’t let you go.

Virgo (August 23-September 22): Choke.

Libra (September 23-October 22): It’s your month you sexy bastards! Enjoy your break and kick back, you deserve it. Go and ahead a grab that book you’ve been meaning to read and move it off the TV remote so you can watch some much needed Netflix.

Scorpio (October 23- November 21): Look, Scorpio, we need to talk. I don’t think it’s going to work out, I’m so sorry. Though when you look back it was always pretty clear. Honestly, what did you think would happen? Wearing all white and drinking grape juice, you’re just a glutton for punishment.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): Ok, they probably aren’t reading this anymore. Can you believe Gemini won’t let me call them Gem? You would never do something like that to me, would you Sagi?

Capricorn (December 22-January 19): Capricorn, looks like you have dinner with your grandparents on Sunday. You could either avoid talking politics, or DESTROY THEM WITH YOUR SUPERIOR KNOWLEDGE. Your choice.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18): You don’t really believe in any of this, do you? Yeah, didn’t think so. I have a special type of fall break planned for people who don’t believe in the science of star based fortune telling. Have fun, Aquarius.

Pisces (February 18-March 19): Pisces, Pisces, Pisces what I am going to do with you? Every break you just become a mess. Remember Spring Break 2012? Yeah, you don’t and that is the point. You need to keep it in check. There are only so many times you can throw up on a Gustie without getting expelled.

Categories: CAMPUS NEWS