CAMPUS NEWS

27 Year Old JV Hockey Player Trash Talks Football Team

SAINT PETER, MN- As one sports season comes to a close, another is rising from the ashes. GAC football plays its final game this Saturday, and instead of congratulating them on a great season, the hockey team emerged from their reverse hibernation to trash talk the team, or in their language, “chirp those dusters.”

We caught up with First- Year Brody Keller, a 27 year old, 3rd string JV defensemen. He said, “Ya know I played years and years of Junior hockey. I worked my ass off dropping my mitts (fighting opponents) and shooting clappers (scoring off slapshots). My goal was to be a beauty of a hockey player, and look where I am! I’m the hidden beauty of the Gustavus men’s JV team.”

He spit out his chew and continued, “Most guys play as much juniors hockey as me and end up D1. Yeah I fell short. 3rd string JV isn’t the same as a full ride to a D1 school with the potential to go pro. But it’s the basically the same perks. I get to wheel puck bunnies almost 10 years younger than me… Livin the dream.”

Keller concluded his interview by shouting, “SATURDAYS ARE FOR THE BOYS!” and ambling out of sight.

To hear the other side of the story, we interviewed Senior football captain Cooper Johnston. He commented, “Oh that guy was on the hockey team? I thought he was some middle aged townie.”

Once the initial shock wore off, he continued, “Uhhh well all I’ve gotta say is I played a hell of a lot less football than him and we ended up in the same program. And I got three years less of brain damage. Good luck though man, hope you see the ice sometime instead of the bench.”

 

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