SAINT PETER, MN- BREAKING NEWS. We have our very own Amber Alert (or maybe like a Quartz Alert cuz this isn’t super important). On Sunday, during a rousing round of Hide n’ Seek, Olivia Martinez’s little partner, Gregory Harrod, went missing. Now, technically, this means he is winning, but Olivia is too distraught to realize how frickin’ sick her little partner is.
We got the inside scoop from Olivia herself. Panicked, she told us, “I don’t know why I gave into his begging. Last time we played hide n’ seek, I lost him for almost two hours. And guess where I found him? At the top of f#$%ing Christ Chapel. That little f@*$er scaled all the way to the top of the steeple.”
We are told he has brown hair, brown eyes, and was last seen wearing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Sweatshirt (this kid is the coolest person I have ever heard of. TMNT?! Are you shitting me?!). Possible locations for Gregory include Co-ed laundry room (we all know that never gets used), the graveyard near the tennis courts, and the salad bar.
Olivia issued a final statement, “Do you think I’ll get kicked out of the Elementary Education program now?”
Categories: CAMPUS NEWS