AINT PETER,MN- We asked ten of our dutiful staff here at the Fourth Crown to try out a new product from the company that brought us “Capitalism: the end of creativity” a board game for the family. The Void is a step away from the popular tabletop RPG, attempting to break into the mobile phone app scene.

“I have to say, I was getting so much of my course work done that I actually worried it might have a lasting impact on my GPA” Senior Editor Enny Pobunkey said, “My favorite part about [The Void] is how efficiently it destroyed my motivation for doing anything but playing tetris on my Motorola Razr!”

Pobunkey was given a free download version of The Void, a perfect option for those without an incredible amount to drop on the premium deluxe version also available for purchase in the app store.

“I have to say, the vacancy where my eyes once were is a great plus to this App,” First-Year photoshop editor McCartney Muffins said, “I was walking with my friends through the arb at night, and one said to me ‘Girl you just blinked your leathery eyelids at me, and like, totally revealed nothing but a penetrating depth so far back into your skull I saw the entire gravity of time. It was, like, as though the night’s darkness itself couldn’t compare to the lightlessness of where your eyes should be.’ How AMAZING is that?! It’s like this app alone just elevated my style to a whole new level.”

Pobunkey, Muffins, and several other staff reported an increase in caf expenditures, stress eating, and an overall decline in the desire to move from their bed for periods longer than it takes to use the restroom.

“I have to say, nothing quite sells [The Void] to me more than the diminishing will to live!” Robitussin Swallowed said after the final trial day. “I definitely want to keep using this app, I haven’t showered in weeks.”