CAMPUS NEWS

Remodeled Nobel Hall Will Be First Completely 3-D Building Ever

SAINT PETER, MN- As many students and faculty await the remodeling of Nobel Hall, Chief Architect Bill Brekfist has announced an exciting update on the project. Nobel Hall will be the first building in the world to be completely three-dimensional. The following is an excerpt from Brekfist’s official announcement of this addition:

“Have you ever been in a classroom and tried to ask the professor a question, but you lack the appropriate spatial-dimensional awareness necessary to even perceive the existence of said professor? I sure have. Well, with our new holographic professor simulation, it will feel like they’re right there in the classroom with you. Have you ever tried to read the chalkboard but are limited by our two-dimensional universe in which a perpendicular plane is not even conceivable to your senses? Now you’ll have the option to see that third dimension, which studies have shown is key to successful learning.”

Senior Gustie Joseph Nuggin was able to get a sneak peak simulation of the new building. “All of the crazy car chases and explosions that I normally experience in my Bio 305 class never looked so real. It’s totally worth the increasing existential confusion and warped sense of reality”, said Nuggin. Many faculty members have also gotten a preview of the new technology, with reviews ranging from “This will change the way students learn forever” to “Am I the only one who knows what three dimensional means?”.

Students will be able to rent a pair of 3-D glasses at the doors for a small 20% increase to their existing tuition costs.

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