SAINT PETER, MN- Junior Alicia Harvey was found in her dorm room Monday night unconscious for “seemingly no reason” by her roommate. She was rushed to urgent care where it would be discovered that she had fallen into a type of coma commonly attributed to those whose brain shuts down their body functions after a significant trauma. Campus Security and St. Peter police launched an investigation and discovered “a a paper that she had turned in that was perfect except for a single, forgotten comma.”
“I don’t think that she could take it.,” Ms. Harvey’s roommate said. “Alicia was always a perfectionist, and for her to see that she had left a sentence fragment in the middle of her paper, it would have broken her to a shell of her former self.”
The doctor in charge of Ms. Harvey’s case could not give any personal information as to Ms.Harvey’s condition, but she was willing to give her thoughts on the matter.
“This isn’t the first time that I’ve seen an English major fall into what is commonly referred to as the Comma Coma. These humanities types always seem so laid back, but they’re the ones that you have to watch out for. Honestly, the comma is the best we could have asked for with this type of case. Hyphen Hysteria is a real killer, and I have the scars to prove it too.”
Ms. Harvey is currently receiving the best possible treatment: a blanket made of pages from the Lundsford Easy Writer wrapped around her. She is expected to make a speedy recovery and begin revising the rough draft that sent her into this comatose state before the end of term.
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