CAMPUS NEWS

Alt-Right Counters Black Friday with White Saturday

SUBURBS, USA- The Friday after Thanksgiving is one of the biggest shopping days of the holiday season. Families both large and small submit to the oppressive structure of capitalism and take advantage of sales and the slave laborers of retail. Traditionally, this day is known as ‘Black Friday.’ Most Americans do not think twice about the name, however, the highly vocal ‘Alt-Right’ took to social media and pigeon carrier to voice their concerns.

Jared Keller, a resident Nazi and self-declared white guy voiced: “Why do we need a ‘Black Friday?’ Why can’t we have an ‘All Colors Friday’ or just a plain Friday? Let me tell you, people these days are so politically sensitive. Every time a white guy tries to claim ownership to something, the whole country seems to have an opinion.”

In response to ‘Black Friday,’ the Alt-Right plans to organize a ‘White Saturday’ where there will be sales on:

  • Nearly expired mayonnaise
  • White bedsheets
  • Tiki Torches
  • Country club membership
  • Toby Keith meet and greet passes
  • NASCAR collectibles
  • Divorce lawyers and legal advice
  • Covfefe beans

Some individuals are less than enthused about ‘White Saturday.’

Betty Devape, a small business owner, said: “The Saturday after Black Friday is supposed to be ‘Small Business Sunday.’ How am I, a middle-aged cuckoo clock nut, supposed to compete with ‘White Saturday?’ Sure, I voted for Trump, but it just makes me uncomfortable when politics become intermixed with business.”

‘White Saturday’ is expected to generate 25,000,000 US dollars or 1459817359.33 Russian Rubles.  

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Categories: CAMPUS NEWS