CAMPUS NEWS

Academic Honesty Policy Removed for “Originality-Shaming” Uncreative Students

Joseph

St. Peter, MN- Students no longer have to pretend they have integrity because it’s not required anymore. The rules forbidding plagiarism have been dissolved for being discriminatory towards students who are uncreative and/or lazy.

The decision was motivated due to mounting pressure from Hack Lives Matter (HLM), a student-run laziness advocacy group. Over the past semester, they’ve posited that the honesty policy was discriminatory because it unfairly targeted students who dislike work. A number of dramatic protests have been staged. One such stunt involved every student in the Three Crowns program sitting in an immense circle and copying off each other’s papers for a major assignment.

“The academic policy has been originality-shaming hapless students for years now,” said Ethan Whitehouse, HLM’s official spokesperson. “It’s high time that the administration did something about this grievous academic misconduct. College isn’t about challenging ourselves intellectually; it’s about finding ways to exert ourselves as little as possible!”

The decision has been warmly received by students all across campus. It’s already been hailed as a significant milestone by several human rights groups on campus, who have praised the administration for breaking new ground in the field of creatively-deficient people’s rights. Professors have already reported receiving dozens of very similarly written papers from their pupils.

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