CAMPUS NEWS

Man Whips It Out After First Date. Unfortunately, “It,” Was A Cribbage Board

St. PETER, MN — Friday night, Junior Honors Music major Jessica Bernstein went out with Senior Computer Science major Nigel Torres. They had a delicious supper at Panera Bread and went to the 9:00 pm showing of The Shape of Water. The two had a great time, so after they got back, they decided to take it to Nigel’s student apartment. Jessica was ecstatic. She felt the vibe in the room and was ready for what was next. Unfortunately, Nigel whipped it out as soon as they got their coats off, and Jessica was not ready for what came next.

 

Nigel pulled out his cribbage board.

 

“Do you play cribbage?” asked Nigel.

 

“Of course I don’t play cribbage,” exclaimed Jessica in her interview with The Fourth Crown.

“I thought cribbage was for old people. I thought I was gonna have a fun time with Nigel and he drops this bomb on me? I was sick to my stomach, honestly.”

 

Jessica softly replied no, so Nigel offered to teach her how to play. That’s where things soured.

 

Nigel explained his side of the story with us, as well. “How do you not know how to play cribbage? It’s simple math and some strategy. It’s up and coming and everyone is playing it on campus these days. I tried to teach her, but…”

 

Nigel’s explaining turned into a condescending description of how to count to 15, and Jessica snapped. She grabbed her coat and went back to Southwest.

 

“It’s a deal-breaker for sure. Next time I see a cribbage board, I’m bolting as soon as I can. You just can’t trust someone that plays cribbage. How condescending can you get?,” Jessica told TFC.

 

When we shared this quote with him, Nigel rebutted, “People that don’t play cribbage are not trustworthy. If you don’t play cribbage, what DO you play? Space pinball? I know now that any woman that doesn’t play cribbage isn’t sophisticated enough for me anyway. It’s not worth my time to try and teach someone how to play.”

 

If you or someone you know is struggling with the cribbage-or-no-cribbage ethical debate, please send their contact information to The Fourth Crown right away.

 

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