Record Breaking Tray Luge Ends in Death on 169

Tragedy struck the hill last night when a record breaking tray luge resulted in death on 169.  First-year Sid Brannom made history by traying from Old Main all the way down to the highway in a single run.  “It was amazing,” witness Kyle Bozworth said. “We assumed he’d stop probably halfway down, near the bench or something, but then he just kept going. We never thought he’d make it all the way to the Sign, let alone down the entirety of College Avenue and onto the highway.  I think he couldn’t believe it either.”

They say Sid was inspired after watching the Olympics almost non-stop for the past three weeks.  “He studied luge, bobsled, skeleton run, all the sliding ones, almost fanatically.” Said roommate Brent Fikus, “come to think of it, that all the sports in the winter Olympics.  They’re all just sliding.  That’s kinda dumb when you think about it.”

This was Sid’s first attempt at traying.  Common knowledge says that if you reach the Sign you bail, but it seems while Sid was skilled in theory, there was still some basics he had to learn.  “I suppose he just wanted to see how far he could go.  He always wanted to push himself to the limit, whether in min/maxing D&D, or eating jalapenos raw, or this” said Kyle.

There is no official word on what caused the death.  Miraculously Sid avoided every car and obstacle on his way down.  When paramedics arrived on the scene he was completely unscathed from his stellar run.  Coroner Jim Hibbert guessed “I supposed that his body just decided this was the peak of his life, so there wasn’t anything left to live for. He died from just his overwhelming awesomeness.  I get it.  I once landed three water bottle flips in a row while nobody was watching.  I probably should have given up the ghost there, it would have been better than the rest of my life.  Don’t become a coroner kids.”         

Categories: CAMPUS NEWS