St. Peter, MN- We understand that it’s hard to understand your place in the universe when you don’t have someone else telling you what to do, say, or think. This is especially true when trying to put labels on your college friendships, so that’s why we’ve done the work for you! If you don’t know which of these labels applies to your relationship with one of your peers, that’s a good sign that they are not actually your friend and that they are for sure stealing your Gushers©™.

The Hottie: Lets be honest, you only became friends with them because you wanted to be hot by association or eventually bang them. No judgment here.

The Disaster: They don’t go to class, they don’t bathe enough, they drink all day and party all night but my god you can’t help but love that hot mess.

The Hernia: This friend stresses so much you get secondhand stress just by breathing next to them. However, they are pretty damn smart and can motivate your lazy ass to try a little. At least enough to open your textbook and congratulate yourself with 3 episodes of The Office.

The Enigma: You guys are friends based purely on vibes. This friend stays in Nobel till the crack of dawn or doesn’t leave the music building till their fingers and eyes are bleeding. You don’t see them, but they are in your heart (thanks Phil Collins!).

The Emotional One: DO THEY EVER STOP CRYING?! Whether its a homework assignment or that asshole Brian who isn’t even worth it, it’s a constant wailing, waterworks festival.

The Foodie: This friend is the best hook up at the end of the month, meaning they always have an excess of caf money and will save you from starving to death with their meal card for the last week of the month. During that week, they are your god.

The One with the Pool: Maybe you don’t even like this friend that much! Maybe they talk too close to your face and only eat fish sticks! But you’ll have to put in your time during the school year to have the sweet relief of using their pool during the summer.

The Mom: This friend does not have to be a girl to be the mom friend. This friend is the one holding your hair back while you yak and making sure to call the Gus Bus and get everyone on safely. You probably would be dead without them.

The Soulmate: No one is sure if you guys are inseparable or a couple and honestly sometimes you get confused too. They are your other half. The PB to your J. The Becky to your Bergman.