CAMPUS NEWS

Campus Buildings Ranked By Sexiness

SAINT PETER, MN- Can you really rank works of architecture that reflect different purposes, time periods, and personalities? Yes. If you’ve ever wondered what the sexiest buildings on campus are, we’ve done the math for you, you’re welcome.

14. Carlson Administrative Building- True beauty lies on the inside. Too bad this place is as dull on the inside as the outside.

13. Christ Chapel- I don’t care about the large phallic shape extending from it, the chapel is for worship, you sinner.

12. Olin Hall- Olin is like that nerdy girl that you think would be hot if she just took off those glasses, except she isn’t.

11. Lund Center- Just like that Athletic Training major you dated last year, Lund is a little too smelly and yelly.

10. Fine Arts Building- Decently attractive, but your dad doesn’t think a music major will support you. You don’t even know him, dad. Stephen is a great guy.

9. Beck Hall- Beck is that guy you hooked up with whose flawless body made your body feel like a pile of grape jelly.

8. Nobel Hall- Look, it may not be much to look at now, but Nobel is like that average-looking girl at the gym that you invest in now so that when she gets that hot new bod, you’ll be there.

7. Johnson Student Union- Not much going on upstairs, but a party in the basement. You know what I mean.

6. Old Main- This cougar has been around since before any of us were born, and she’ll be here long after we’re gone, still hoeing around.

5. Bernadotte Memorial Library- Intelligent, easy to hang out with, and willing to put you in your place when you’re being obnoxious. Sexy.

4. Anderson Hall- “Oh shit, who’s that hot new girl?” “Oh, that’s just A.H. Anderson Social Science and Academics Center.”

3. Carlson International Center- Just as attractive and exotic as that guy named Miguel that you made out with during your study abroad in Spain.

2. Confer/Vickner- Twins? Hell yeah.

1. Jackson Campus Center- Always there when you need them and puts food on the table, very attractive qualities.

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