CAMPUS NEWS

Man Realizes His Life Doesn’t Pass the Bechdel Test

SAINT PETER,MN- Tim Scottsmore had a sudden epiphany this past Monday; his life doesn’t pass the Bechdel Test. The Bechdel test is a simple test of fictional media which names the following three criteria: (1) it has to have at least two women in it, who (2) who talk to each other, about (3) something besides a man.  The test is supposed to be a measure of literature and film, but somehow Mr. Scottsmore’s real life doesn’t even pass.

When asked for comment Mr. Scottsmore was incredulous:  “I don’t know what to tell you. I just live my life. Am I in the wrong, or is it women’s fault for not being friends with me?  I can’t help it if all women want to talk about is guys. I’m the nicest guy they’ll ever meet, just because I have to talk to make the conversation interesting doesn’t make me a bad guy.  So what if my friends tend to be guys? Is that not politically correct anymore? Will I hurt some snowflakes? Stop policing my personal life, geez.”

Gender and Women’s Studies Professor Sarah Connor pointed out the problem with Mr. Scottmore’s way of living: “He is limiting the perspectives that he hears about in his life. If the only points of contact that he has are with other men, then there is no way that the status-quo and patriarchy can be shifted in his mind.  Beyond that, the demographics of campus are majority female. He has to be putting in effort to not pass the test.”

Kyle Figgis, Mr. Scottsmore’s roommate, was surprised by the revelation.  “I am surprised. We have a girl in our friend group that sits together in the caf.  Is there really only one? I assumed there were more. Huh. Really makes you think doesn’t it?  I guess this means I don’t pass either. Wait, no, my prof is a women and she asked a girl a question in class today.  That counts doesn’t it? Though it was about Ronald Reagan, so I guess not. Shoot, here I thought I was all about women’s rights and I’m part of the problem.”

In a final note, I’d like to break the fourth wall and admit that this article did not pass the Bechdel test, and I would like to apologize for that.  To rectify it here is a conversation between two women:

Becky Bergman:  Hello Ms. Conner, don’t you just love Gustavus (the institution, not the man)?

Sarah Conner: Yes, it is nice Becky.  You are a nice lady.

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