CAMPUS NEWS

Thanos to Teach Homelessness FTS in Fall Semester

SAINT PETER, MN- Many Gustavus students have heard the word on the street: he Homelessness FTS is not something to miss. The class is known for their yearly informational signs tied to trees that describe the harsh realities that homeless people live through. What many people don’t know is that the FTS will have a guest instructor this coming fall semester. His name is Thanos. Mr. Thanos had a recent swell in popularity over the past few weeks after announcing his controversial views on how to end homelessness and poverty.

“Mr. Thanos promises to teach a highly thought provoking course,” Dick Snail, the former Homelessness FTS professor detailed, “his exact words were ‘a real fight for survival.’”

When asked about his recent scandal concerning his contentious view that murdering half the population would lead to a utopia, Snail replied: “We acknowledge the concern, but we couldn’t let the opportunity for such a prolific individual disintegrate in front of us. Gustavus can plan on Mr. Thanos educating young minds very soon.”

However, Snail’s opinion was met with some dissent. “Yeah, not a great plan,” Tony Stark, on a video call from the planet Titan, said. “What’s next? Getting Loki to work as a family therapist? Where is that guy by the way? I haven’t seen him in forever, hope he’s okay.”

Regardless, Mr. Thanos will work at Gustavus next year, and from an early look at the syllabus, incoming first-years can expect a 50% pass rate. What happens to those who fail remains unknown.

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