We Asked Five Gusties About Midterm Election Issues, And We Regret It

SAINT PETER, MN- Midterm Elections are just around the corner, and these elections are proving to be some of the most important midterm elections in recent history. The Fourth Crown decided to ask a few randomly selected Gusties about the issues that matter most to them this election, and boy did it go badly. Most Gusties are smart and socially aware people, but wow, we really overestimated these five folks.


Senior Patrick Boogman was the first to talk about his important issues: “Marijuana. No, I don’t want to elaborate. Just marijuana. Wait, what election is this?”. Off to a rocky start, we would say. It could only get better from there.


We turned then to Sophomore Spencer Trinky: “I think that we need to arm schools. Not just teachers, though, students too. I don’t trust giving a couple people in a school a gun, but if everyone has a gun, then it’s basically like no one has a gun.” Troubling. We really did not see that one coming. Kudos to Spencer for that, we suppose.


Another sophomore, Sydney Krier, gave us her thoughts: “I think women are going to be really important in this election. We’re the future of this country.” Finally. Thank you. “Also, I agree that we should give guns to students.” Dammit. You really disappointed us, Sydney.


Our spirits were down, to say the least. Junior Jacob Herin was next. “As a Political Science major, I think all issues are important.” Okay, fair enough. Let’s see where he goes from there. “But, I think the biggest issue is changing our laws on ferret ownership. It’s ridiculous that we can’t legally own pet ferrets. There’s two ferrets that live in my yard and you’re telling me that I have to just admire them from afar?” We really tried with you, Jacob.


The last Gustie we interviewed was First-Year Brianna Endor. Bring us home, Brianna. “First of all, thank you for having me here”, she said. Alright, Brianna, enough with the cute stuff. “I think the Space Force will be a huge step for America in the future.” Yep, there it is. A disappointing ending to a disappointing day. That’s alright, let’s just try harder next time, Gusties.

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