SAINT PETER, MN-As the campus’s leading authority on comedy, we here at the Fourth Crown have come to conclusion that LineUs is no longer relevant to the Gustavus lifestyle. We have taken a poll from a large pool of Gusties that include the Fourth Crown writers and no one else, and we all agree that LineUs ain’t shit.

Who do you all think you are? Do you think that you’re funnier than us? All you get is a packed Alumni Hall to perform to every few months while we get the real glory: twenty likes on Facebook. Where are your likes LineUs? Where are they?

You all think that you’re comedic geniuses because you can do improvised comedy in front of the entire school. Well, we’re here to tell you that the true comedic genius comes from writing a three-hundred-word article in half-an-hour while sitting in a poorly lit room. Everyone knows that the best comedy comes from absolutely no interaction with other human beings.

And you are all so self-obsessed with your need to hear actual human laughter and getting validation for your craft. Pathetic. We here at the Fourth Crown prefer to know that our articles will get slightly louder exhale at the vaguely amusing parts, and we are proud. Who needs the validation that what you are writing is worth something when we’re all just screaming into an endless void with the hopes it will call back? Who needs an audience or a fanbase? Who needs a future? We here at the Fourth Crown have risen above such petty needs and we feel just fine.

Yeah…we’re fine.

Anyways, get fucked, LineUs.

*Blackout