St. Peter MN- We here at the Fourth Crown are pretty darn good at pointing out the plain obvious; we say it as it is. That means that we are not lying when we say that is has been hot as blazes, so hot in fact that we have sweated out our last bit of funny sitting in the basement of Christ Chapel. In attempts to cool down as we reach the brink of death, we have ranked the most notable AC on campus, hoping that this cry for help will summon the beloved Minnesota snow gods.
10. The Dish Room- Just no. Whiffs of old food, poor ventilation, and your chatty coworker Karen makes this sweaty job even more like a pit of hell. Trust us, blasting “Ice-Ice Baby” through your Apple earbuds won’t help either; we’ve tried.
9. The Res Life ACs – If there was more air-conditioning on campus, this would not even make the list. The Area-Coordinators, known as the ACs, don’t even live up to their own abbreviation, often making Gusties overheated about the smallest of off-campus housing issues.
8. Any First Year Dorm – Yeah… so the only air-cooling available in these dorms is the DIY “Lanyard- Fan.” First-Years already have that repulsive odor that screams “confusion over how to wash dirty laundry”, so spending even five minutes in Norelius in high humidity is enough to say no thank you forever.
7. Lund- While Lund supposedly has some air conditioning, it never truly feels like it. Any sane person would rather get super sweaty in Sohre than have to put up with the steamy mist that wafts through Lund after a Liberate the Booty class.
6. Rundy- While Rundy has no real AC, the ghost of Rundy always makes a night’s stay or a mid-day visit a bone-chilling experience. We highly recommend taking a nap in the Chapel if you really feel like living on the edge.
5. Campus Center – You may think that Campus Center would be higher on this list, but that AC has to be cranked up to 11 in the whole building. It is a nice change of pace from the wrath of the St. Peter sun, but unlike Elsa, the cold does bother us anyway.
4. Any Dorm with AC – Prairie View, Southwest, IC, and the Views just make sense to rank high on the list for their sensible use of air-conditioning. It would rank higher, but besides the usual rager or Netlfix Marathon, there is no real entertainment to make this AC memorable.
3. The Children’s Section of the Library – The air in here is cool and crisp as Granny Smith Apple, the seating is comfortable, and you couldn’t hear a STEM major screaming about how many labs they have if you even tried. We highly recommend grabbing a handful of Goldfish and a copy of Where the Wild Things Are and vegging out.
2. Anderson Hall Third Floor Conference Room- This one is for all the introverts out there. Want to hide in a dark room with leather seats, a projector, and have very few people talk you up? We do too pal, we do too.
1. The Top of the Crane- Want to find some all-natural, organic air-conditioning? Sneak past those pesky construction workers, climb that crane, and try not to die as you truly discover that the even when it is only a little “Gustie” outside, the wind is far-better at cooling you off than any AC unit on campus.
Categories: CAMPUS NEWS