STANDARD DISCLAIMER: THE FOURTH CROWN HAS NOT SEEN THIS MOVIE, BUT WE DO HAVE SOME OPINIONS ON IT.

SAINT PETER, MN- Venom (2018) is a movie directed by Ruben Fleischer starring Tom Hardy, Michelle Williams, and Riz Ahmed and the latest in Sony’s Spider-man franchise. It is a superhero movie with a dynamite cast that takes the iconic Spider-man villain and uses him to ask one of life’s most stirring questions: Why do we keep letting Sony make Spider-man movies? Sony’s Venom will take the time to remind us that, while Marvel heroes kick ass, they don’t suck when Sony gets to write them. So, strap in and get ready to watch the superhero film that can’t legally exist within five-hundred yards of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Venom starts off with the iconic Eddie Brady, played by Tom Hardy, a character so rooted in popular culture that no one noticed that his name is actually Eddie Brock. Eddie Brock works as a journalist investigating Riz Ahmed’s character, stereotypical evil corporate man, for infecting and killing people with weird space goop, and through this becomes infected with weird space goop himself. This space goop is called Venom, most likely the name of the project that goopy adopts because it sounds cool. Together, Venom and Eddie will use their joint power to stop the villain from murdering people unjustly by ripping them apart and eating them alive.

There can not be enough praise for Michelle Williams in her role as a disposable love interest. This Academy Award-winning actress has truly made it, and by it, we, of course, mean the paycheck she needed to do renovations on her summer home. Still, she did a fantastic job of letting the all-male director and writers feel as though they had a sufficient amount of female representation.

However, the final act of Venom really brought everything in together when Venom and whoever Riz Ahmed is playing duke it out. Riz Ahmed’s character really put everything on the floor when he began lobbying at Venom, but, unfortunately for him, his master’s degree in business did nothing against an unstoppable person-eating space monster. He did his best, and he won’t be missed because people everyone will forget about this movie the second they leave the theater.