CAMPUS NEWS

Pre-Med Student Prescribes Red Bull to Passed-Out Roommate

SAINT PETER, MN- It was reported earlier this week that Sophomore Spencer Theeson, a pre-med student, wrote a prescription to his roommate Thomas Fuller for two cans of Red Bull, allowing Fuller to make a complete rally and saving the night in the process. Theeson was repaid by Fuller with half a beer and a bag of Bugles.

 

“It was only like eight p.m., I couldn’t let my boy Tom stay passed out for the whole night”, reported Theeson. “So, I told one of my friends to quickly administer 450 cc’s of fully-caffeinated Red Bull. Once he was revived, I recommended he take a shower, a quick puke, and he’ll be good to go in about an hour.” Fuller’s friends said that Theeson’s quick thinking was the only thing that saved him from getting verbally shit-on by the entire group for the rest of the week.

 

Spencer Theeson’s actions have led to him be hailed as a hero. When the medical community received word of the story, Theeson was given an honorary medical doctorate by several universities. “I owe him my life”, Fuller said. “Without him, I never would’ve been able to totally hook up with Sarah that night. He’s a real bro.”

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