St. Peter, MN- You have gathered from the various emails sent out by school officials that your favorite CF is about to host one of those pointless “Community” meetings where your CF rambles on about everything you already know.  We know that you are never actually going to go to one of these meetings, so we sacrificed our time we usually spend pointing finger guns at each other in a room lit by a single candle on Sunday night to see if our CF, Blaze Tzatziki, really did have the Dominos that they were promising us.

We are going to start off by breaking the bad news; the Dominos that brought us to this awkward meeting never materialized.  Supposedly the two other people on our floor who actually came ate it all already, and all that was left a bag of Family Fresh Popcorn. While that was disappointing, and we were just about ready to chasse out of that shit show, the mournful eyes of our sad, lonely Tzatziki convinced us to stay and see what else could happen.  We need friends, so we stuck it out for our own benefit.

Like as you all may have expected, this meeting started out with one of those awkward ice-breakers that are the worst of our introverted nightmares.  While we can usually push through the usual “high of day, low of day” check-in, Tzatziki blindsided us with the lesser-known “Two Truths and Your Mom” game.  This was a real game-changer for all of our previously prepared answers, so nobody really participated or gave interesting answers except for Steve, who really wanted to share to the world how his Mom was in “an open relationship with the guy from the Mr. Clean commercials.”  Who knew? We sure didn’t, and now a lot of things make sense.

After walking through all the information about Fall Break that we already knew, we were disappointed to learn that we were going to have to also dive deep into our own identities.  Our initial thoughts were that we have already learned from our previous CFs that we are sarcastic, evil brats deep down, so why should we have to take the same personality tests, and make a freaking Identi-Shrub again?  Turns out, we got to color our own smiley-face coloring sheets based on a new personality test we had yet to see, so that was a pleasant surprise. Coloring is our 11th favorite past time after spooking unsuspecting Little Partners, so Tzatziki got a brownie point for that.

Overall, this mandatory meeting was mediocre at best.  If anyone from our floor wants to help us write a feedback form for our CF, we will give you free Domino’s.