As the sun sets and the darkness rises, so do many male appendages. It’s the freakin weekend bitches! Which means one thing: time to get down and dirty. However, no matter how much time you put into picking out the perfectly bangable outfit or how many snaps of you at a party you put on your story, the deciding factor of whether you’ll be getting laid or not boils down to the hookup text. Nowadays, the classic “U up?” text doesn’t cut it anymore, it’s too basic, too overused. It’s time to put it to bed, if you will. So here at the sex-positive Fourth Crown, we decided to come up with a list of alternative booty-texts to help Gustavus get it in. You. Are. Welcome.
1. “Mate?”: This one is VERY clever because if it backfires, you can just explain you were saying “Hey! You there? Want to make sure you’re okay.” instead of its true meaning of you straight up asking to engage in some sexual intercourse.
2. “*peach emoji* *eggplant emoji* *water drops emoji* ?”: You know what they say… a picture is worth a thousand words.
3. “I like baseball. I like running all the bases.”: Not only is this a fun fact about yourself, but it subconsciously has the recipient thinking about the sex bases and bada bing bada boom next thing you know, they’re in your bed.
4. “Let’s destroy the patriarchy!”: This one is FOOLPROOF and will have you destroying that pussy (and patriarchy) in no time.
5. “Would you like a cup of tea?”: Everyone at Gustavus and their mom has seen the “Tea Consent” video, so this question is very classy, respectful, and whoever gets this text will know EXACTLY what you’re talking about without you having to say any explicit terms. Plus, consent is super sexy.
6. “Wanna watch some Harry Potter?”: Instant panty-dropper.
Disclaimer: These will only work between two (or more, you dirty dog) consenting, enthusiastic adults…. But you already knew that. Go Gusties.
Categories: CAMPUS NEWS