Bias Incident Scheduled for Tuesday

SAINT PETER, MN- In a proactive email, the Gustavus administration informed the community of a bias incident that will undoubtedly occur late Tuesday or early Wednesday. The administration is unclear as to what form the incident will take or who will commit it, however they are completely, one-hundred percent sure that it will happen. The email outlined the sentiment of the entire Gustavus community in regards to the election taking place on Tuesday night.


The email reads: “On behalf of the administration, we felt it necessary to go ahead and report the bias incident(s) that will occur tomorrow. At [insert date and time], a Gustavus student reported [insert passive-aggressive political statement] at [probably the caf or some shit]. The administration has taken the appropriate action [basically just sending this email] to contend with the situation. We would like to remind students to act with civility in this time of intense political division. Basically, just don’t fucking talk to anyone outside of your political orientation for a few days. Good luck to us all.”

Categories: CAMPUS NEWS