- Buy a fun Christmas sweater. What an easy and fun way to stay warm and get into the holiday spirit.
- Cut open Gus the Lion and live inside his body. Cold? Why not hunt down Gus the Lion and hang out in his warm insides for an hour or two. Can’t go wrong!
- Invite three old naked men and go to the sauna. Saunas are a great way to escape the cold for a while. But it just wouldn’t be the same experience without a couple of old, mostly naked sweaty men in there. Is one of them dead? Could be! That’s the fun of it.
- Eat a couple of hot coals. Hot coals aren’t just for your skin anymore, they’re also a nice snack that will really warm up your stomach. Nice!
- Let your roommate control the thermostat. If your room is chilly, why not sit back and let your roommate take over the heat for a while. You know for damn sure that they’ll crank that heat up. Are they ever not cold? Nope!
- Develop a raging fever. If all else fails, raise your body temperature the old fashioned way. You’ll know you’re doing it right when your body starts shutting down. Nice try, winter!
- Give birth to the baby Jesus Christ. Nothing warms up the heart like giving birth to the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Festive!
- Spend a couple of minutes in the brick pizza oven. We’ve all looked in there and thought about how warm and nice it looks in there. Why not set up a chair and take your socks off while getting crispy next to some veggie pizzas.
- Replace your lava lamp with a lava couch. Self-explanatory!
- Use a medieval animal-skin condom. Ever get a little chill while getting it on out by the Gustavus sign? Why not wrap up your special guy in the remnants of a thousand-year-old sheep skin. Very cool!
- Swallow ice cubes until your body goes numb. Life hack!
- Take a hot shower. Nothing feels better than a hot shower at any time of day. But wait, it’s too hot. Ouch, it’s starting to hurt. Your skin is burning. You fall down and you can’t move. The blazing hot liquid continues to fall. “Help!”, you yell… Cozy!
Categories: CAMPUS NEWS