Aquarius: Wow, you don’t like when my curriculum challenges your current understanding of the subject? Riveting, Aquarius.  

Pisces: Please. PLEASE. Stop crying.

Aries: Thank you for speaking up in class. I love you.

Taurus: Your insecurity about your abilities are holding you back from true academic success.

Gemini: Look, I know you love your friends you have in this class, but stop talking while I’m talking.

Cancer: Why do you skip my class to go to the Courtyard? The espresso machine doesn’t even work.

Leo: Hahahah you show up before anyone else, nerd. Also thank god because I love you.

Virgo: Even though I love talking about feminist theory, this lesson on conservation of angular momentum isn’t the time for it, Virgo.

Libra: Don’t worry, Libra. I hate that guy that won’t stop mansplaining during class as much as you do.

Scorpio: Can you just for the love of GOD remember to attach your paper to your email? FOR ONCE?

Sagittarius: Your “brutal honesty” sometimes dances on the line of mercilessness. Your opinion is valued.

Capricorn: Stop being such a pessimist! Also, you’re the kind of student that I wouldn’t mind getting a drunk email from you asking for an extension on a paper because you’ll be too hungover to write it.