SAINT PETER, MN- In a turn of events that can only be described as “spooky as hell”, the Swanson Tennis Center underwent the cellular process of mitosis on Tuesday, splitting into two equally-sized Swanson Tennis Centers.
Witnesses of the event reported the bubble starting to vibrate, and then releasing a “mighty roar” as it transformed from one mother tennis bubble into two daughter tennis bubbles. The event left many students in a state of utter bewilderment, visibly shaken. The Counseling center has encouraged these students to come and talk about the absolute mindfuck that they just witnessed.
Meanwhile, the situation inside the bubble was even worse. Only one student, Trevor Hallenburg, a student worker, was inside the bubble at the time. While Trevor remains alive and well, his body also underwent mitosis during the event, and now there exists two smaller Trevor Hallenburgs. Standing at approximately 3’5”, the two Trevors have not yet met each other, and scientists are worried about what might happen if they do.
The administration has turned a blind eye to the event, stating that there have always been two tennis bubbles and that students and the public “should just not worry about it, okay?”. More on this story as it develops.
Categories: CAMPUS NEWS