CAMPUS NEWS

Honor’s Day Canceled Because Honor Is Dead

St. Peter, MN- Parents, students and faculty alike were in for a shock this past weekend when Gustavus’s annual Honor’s day celebration was canceled at the last minute. The Gustavus administration released a public notice early on Saturday morning saying that the festivities would be wildly inappropriate in light of the fact that Honor Himself has passed away.

Honor, the oldest and wisest of our gods, was an enigma to many. He was never the most powerful, but He had a certain magnetism to His personality and gravity in His bearing that drew people to Him (we are not speaking metaphorically: among other things, Honor could literally control both gravity and electro-magnetic forces). His origins were so ancient that even the most prominent scholars struggle to estimate His age with any degree of precision, but legends say that He was born in the exact moment when the first man decided to sacrifice himself for his friends in battle.

Friend and foe alike have come out to grieve the loss of such a distinguished deity. Even Shame, one of Honor’s greatest antagonists, had this to say about his death: “This does not bode well for the future of us gods as our powers in the world are intertwined. Even as honor many times has foiled my plans to make humans weep in humiliation, his passing will only make me grow weaker. For is it not true that those who have no honor to aspire to will be unable to feel shame at the monsters that they have become?”

Why exactly Honor has left us, we may never know. Some argue that He simply grew too old. Others assert that He had become obsolete and that it was time for new, more specialized gods to take his place. Others still believe that He died because of our leaders’ rampant lies and dishonorable behavior, but that we should not give up hope because if we clean up our act we can yet resurrect Him.

Honor is survived by his wife Fidelity, his Brother Duty, and his three children Dignity, Esteem, and Fame.

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