Uncrustable Sandwich Slowly Hardens Into Very Thing It Promised Not To Be

SAINT PETER, MN- “It’s all crust! At this point, it’s just entirely crust. What happened to honesty?” said Junior Steve Umber. Umber had been looking forward to eating his recently obtained Uncrustable sandwich from the caf, when he accidently left it out on his desk for a full 28 hours. The result was a rock hard crust filled with mushy insides and a broken heart.


“I remembered halfway through class that I forgot to eat it, but I didn’t worry because Uncrustables are supposed to be among the most resilient of sandwiches. Becoming 100% crust is the last thing that I thought could or would happen to my Uncrustable. I guess I learned a hard lesson about trust today.”


Steve followed up by contacting the Smuckers corporation and voicing his complaints. After being shut down, he decided to sue the company for false advertising. The case will appear in the Supreme Court in the near future and will likely be a hard fought battle. More on the story as it develops.


Categories: CAMPUS NEWS