CAMPUS NEWS

Nemo On The Run After Campus Saftey Busts Meth Empire

SAINT PETER, MN: Nemo, the beloved campus cat, has been a rare creature these past few weeks with many wondering where our fluffy boy went. Campus Saftey has recently made the public announcement that Nemo is a criminal at large after his 3.1 million dollar crystal meth empire was discovered in October.

The cathunt began after Campus Saftey Officers responded to a strange chemical smell in the Arb. They discovered a meth lab with Nemo’s cat-foot prints all over it.

Nemo has avoided detection for weeks as he attempts to escape Saint Peter with his drug money. Students and Saint Peter citizens have reported spotting a black cat rolling a barrel that could be filled with either millions of dollars or catnip up through the Gustavus parking lots looking for an available car.

Campus Saftey advises students to keep an eye out for Nemo as he is believed to be armed and adorable.

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