SAINT PETER, MN- The opportunity has come again, fellow Gusties, for us to pick the headliner for the Spring Concert. Last time this happened, we were crushed by the inclusion of 3OH!3, a band with a name that top pop-punk band scholars still can’t decipher a meaning from. We were punished for our past sins, but we have an opportunity to cleanse our souls once again.
Jesse motherfucking McCartney.
The early 2000s popstar we foolishly turned away in 2018 has given us another chance at redemption, to heal our divided campus with the soft vocals in “Beautiful Soul” and transcend our souls into a new plane of existance with “Leavin.'”
We implore you, Gustavus. Do the right thing. Bring our Savior to campus.