CAMPUS NEWS

Covid or Cannabis? 4 Tips to Tell What Your Roommates’ Cough Means

SAINT PETER, MN – Homecoming week has wrapped up and Gusties are now in the full swing of campus life. Between classes and general trauma from the last year and a half, it’s been hard to catch a break. With mask regulations on campus relaxing, people are tense to see a spike in cases, which makes anyone who clears their throat a potential threat. We must remember, however, that not all who cough are sick from Covid. Sometimes, they’re just sick (in The Cool Way™). If your roommate has been coming back with a little tickle in their throat, that may not always be a cause for concern. It’s sweet that you care, though! Here are some tips to help you determine whether or not your roomie’s cough is because of ‘rona or reefer.

   (WARNING: Before beginning this list, it’s important to note that a common tip being spread is that if you can hold your breath for longer than 10 seconds, you probably don’t have Covid. Please know that if you approach a stoner after they smoke and ask them to do this, they will be unsuccessful. Do not let this fool you, and follow our list to be 100% positive {maybe} that you’re in the clear)

  1. Listen to the cough. How is your roomie sounding? A Covid cough can remind someone of something like a death rattle. It’s jarring, dry, and an audible warning sign. However, if someone has partaken in a bit of the sticky-icky, their coughing sounds moist, phlegm-y, and is usually followed with a “Fuck, dude!”.  
  1. What do they smell like? For some reason, society has deemed it weird to smell people and comment on it, even though smelling is one of our five senses. If you feel weird about smelling your roommate, just wait until they fall asleep and smell their dirty clothes. It’s not weird if you’re doing it out of love and concern. If the clothes smell like nature, dirt and something skunky, they’ve just had a great night. However, if they smell like alcohol, other people’s vomit and the frat houses, get that bitch tested immediately.
  1. Test their recollection! Share that fun fact you learned in your psychology class today! It was really interesting and cool, and your roommate will definitely get psyched hearing about it. The key difference, however, is whether or not they can remember that fact five minutes later. After a moment has passed or you’ve moved on in the conversation, ask them to recall what you had mentioned previously. If it takes them longer than 3 seconds, they’ve got some pot-brain.
  1. Check their eyes. Fatigue and a lack of energy are things that you have to watch out for when it comes to Covid concerns. If your roommate is looking sleepy and low energy, check out their face a little. Ask them to fully open their eyes. If they’re red, watery and are just unable to fully open, it might be time to add “eye-drops” to your list of reminders on your phones’ notes app. 

Hopefully with these tips it will be easier to differentiate whether you need to be concerned or if you should tag along when they go out on their nightly walks. Stay safe, Gusties! 

Categories: CAMPUS NEWS