New School Record: Football Player Wears Mask Correctly for Entire 50-Minute Class Period

SAINT PETER, MN — On the heels of a decisive Homecoming victory against the Cobbers last weekend, the Gustavus football team has added yet another trophy to their case. Jake Davis, a sophomore defensive end, managed to remain properly masked for all 50 minutes of his Principles of Microeconomics class on Tuesday. 

Davis, originally from Willmar, Minnesota, is the first of his teammates to accomplish this feat. As the clock ticked to 11:20, many witnesses reported widespread disbelief as Davis’ mask remained in place. “It was really amazing to see,” said one of his classmates. “He even asked a question in class without pulling his mask completely off to speak.” Jeff Owen, who taught the class, was equally impressed. “I’m used to seeing his whole nose, and at least some upper lip. It was a pleasant surprise.” 

This record-setting achievement comes after many athletic teams have faced criticism on campus for their flagrant disregard of COVID-19 safety regulations. But the football team is excited to Show the World their passion for public health. “It’s been great to finally get some recognition for our health and safety efforts on this team,” said team captain William Morley. “We’ve made some real sacrifices, like limiting our house parties to 200 people and pretending to wear neck gaiters at practice sometimes.” 

However, Davis’ accomplishment has already netted some skepticism from critics who report hearing Jake snore during class. “It doesn’t really count if he was asleep, does it?” complained one classmate, who preferred to remain anonymous. But Heather Dale, Gustavus Director of Health Services, says she’ll take what she can get. “Honestly, I’m so sick of fighting with students about the pandemic,” Dale said. “One football player wearing their mask is still better than none.” 

Head coach Peter Haugen will present the award to Davis in a large indoor ceremony next Friday.

Categories: CAMPUS NEWS