It’s that time of year again on the hill, when great minds gather on campus to discuss current world issues at the annual Nobel Conference.  This year, however, the conference is going to be looking a little different thanks to a typographical error by the Gustavus graphics and advertising team, who misspelled “Nobel” as “Noble”.  

A seemingly innocent mistake was enough to cause hundreds of kings and queens from around the world to flock to Gustavus for what they seemed to think was a gathering of the honorable nobility of the world.  Gustavus remained unaware of the error up until Queen Elizabeth II and her entourage landed her private helicopter on top of the Lund Center, and not long after various other nobility from around the world began to arrive at the hill.  “At first I was wondering who would be dumb enough to drive a Hummer limo up the hill, but when the Emperor of Japan got out I just assumed I must’ve been hungover,” sophomore Quincy Rink said.  

No one on campus was willing or brave enough to tell the nobility about the error, so the topic of the conference has been switched last minute to better suit our new guests.  Therefore, this year’s Noble Conference topic will be “Relevance: How and Why is Royalty Still Important.” Most of the nobility could not come up with a good answer for this pertinent question, including Prince William.  “I was just excited to go on vacation to the U.S.,” stated the Prince.  “I didn’t know we would have to talk about why we still exist or what my actual job is, ‘cause I sure as hell don’t have an answer for that.” 

Due to the last minute arrival of our royal guests, the whole campus pitched in to help make them feel right at home.  To help meet their needs, Gustavus has issued the Gus Bus as a royal escort for the nobility, along with hiring members of the javelin team to serve as bodyguards and security detail.  Other amenities provided by the school for our guests include housing in the luxurious Gibbs Hall, all-you-can-eat szechuan stir fry from the Caf and a 15% discount at the Book Mark.  Though it most definitely wasn’t a precedented event, this new Noble Conference will certainly be one of the most memorable.  More updates to follow.