SAINT PETER, MN — Professors and students alike were astounded by today’s display of ingenuity from junior Katie Bergstrom, who used the vacuum cleaner on her residential hall floor as a sand blaster for her most recent art project. “I didn’t think anyone would be using it to clean anything, so I thought I’d give it a try,” said Bergstrom. After switching on the fifty-year-old vacuum, an endless wave of sand, dust, and nail clippings burst forth, eviscerating most objects in its path. “Basically, I just maneuvered it until the edges of my wooden sculpture piece were smooth,” Bergstrom explained.

“If there is one thing Gustavus should value, it’s creativity,” wrote a spokesperson for the College when asked for comment. “In addition, this is Gustavus taking sustainability seriously. Why throw out an admittedly defunct vacuum cleaner when there are so many other possible uses for it?”

Bergstrom’s neighbors on the second floor of Rundstrom Hall were inspired by her feat of genius. Abbie Reynolds, who lives across the hall, was especially impressed. “After I finished coughing from inhaling the dust cloud, I realized I could be just as resourceful,” Reynolds said. Next week, Reynolds plans to use her room’s complimentary lamp as an X-ray beam for her physics lab.

At press time, Bergstrom’s efforts to turn off the vacuum are still unsuccessful, and the vacuum continues to produce absurd amounts of sand. In a statement this morning, the Gustavus men’s golf team requested to use the vacuum to make sand traps in the Lund Forum for team practices. Bright things are in store for the future of this vacuum.